We’ve all had those days. For me, it was a day that left me in tears, wondering if I could have done more to prevent a massive blow-up between two students. While classroom tension and anger can’t always be avoided, I realized I needed a better “toolbox” for when I saw that anger rising.
Since that experience, I have relied on these 5 de-escalation strategies to help put out potential “fires” before they become unmanageable.
When you see a student’s anger rising, give them a chance to step away from the conflict. Assign them a ‘special’ task that requires focus but isn’t academic.
Sorting the stationery tub or paper clips.
Straightening the teacher’s desk.
Checking that all computers are shut down. This gives them a “brain break” from their anger and a chance to calm down.
Sometimes a student just needs a change of scenery. Partner with a nearby teacher and create a “secret code.” Send the student to their room with a note saying: “I believe you needed a special student to help out in your classroom for a while.” The other teacher knows the student needs a 10-minute “cool down” and gives them a simple task to do in a new environment.
Your body language speaks louder than your words. Always remain as calm as possible. Ensure you aren’t staring intensely or taking a physical stance that could seem threatening to the child. Lowering your voice and your physical height can help lower their defenses.
Show empathy as soon as possible. Try saying: “I can see that you are angry, and when you are ready, I would like to understand why.” This validates their feelings without excusing the behavior.
If the situation is escalating, set clear, calm limits before trying to have a conversation. For example: “I want you to stop swearing before we talk.” This creates a boundary and gives the student a specific requirement to meet before the “understanding” phase begins.
Unfortunately, there are times when even the best strategies won’t work for every individual student. However, having these tools ready has helped me prevent dozens of “horrible fights” over the years.
Do you have a go-to de-escalation strategy? I’d love to hear your experiences in the comments below!
